I'm going to buy a plane ticket today.
Actually, I was going to buy it a month ago. And then again last Monday. And then pretty much every day since.
Today I'm going to do it though.
I'm going to stop freaking out about leaving the kids home alone with Chris for two days and I'm going to stop feeling guilty about spending 48 hours with my college roommates and their babies...even though it makes me feel a little bit nauseous. Actually a lot nauseous.
I'm going to do it because I'm not going to allow myself to continue under the delusion that I need to be with my kids every.single.second in order for them to survive. They will be here, in their home, with their father, for two days and they will be okay. They will miss me, but they will still play and laugh and eat and sleep and beg to watch "just one more" Diego like they always do.
I'm going to do it because as much as I love my kids, I need a break and I'm going to stop lugging around the guilt that comes with admitting that. Maybe my mom - with her patience and practical-ness and soothing words - didn't need a break, but I am not my mom. Just because I'm not my mom doesn't mean I'm a bad one.
I'm going to do it because I love my friends and being with them makes me happy. I can't wait to hold their babies, to reminisce about our crazy college days and to stay up late talking about what it's like being a mom.
Today I'm going to do it.