tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post3065564545600866778..comments2023-04-05T04:35:35.528-07:00Comments on I Spy a Family: Inevitable Post of an Adoptive MomKristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06368344688034538089noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-49065617868740550842010-10-22T10:19:46.518-07:002010-10-22T10:19:46.518-07:00Wow....people actually say stuff like that? The wo...Wow....people actually say stuff like that? The world would be a happier place if people would stop to think before they speak.<br />Here from ICLW and Mel's blog. Its heartwarming to hear about a happy family like yours :)Keyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01234168938842960525noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-90662525525443199502010-10-22T08:52:27.244-07:002010-10-22T08:52:27.244-07:00Came from Foxy's blog. How did you respond to ...Came from Foxy's blog. How did you respond to this? I am curious how you handle situations like these. My DH and I are currently in our 2ww using donor sperm. <br />I honestly think that is horrible what she said- what if you DID sleep around? What if they were adopted and you weren't going to tell them? What if you were a victim of rape and didn't abort? I have a hard time accepting the innocence implied with people ask these questions. I would love to pop off with "either your parents were exposed to chemicals during their pregnancy, or you just don't have any sense"<br />but then, I get a little snarky sometimes. LOLMy Bumpy Journeyhttp://www.mybumpyjourney.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-17332065742492432572010-10-21T18:14:45.454-07:002010-10-21T18:14:45.454-07:00Wow, no words...
ICLW #26Wow, no words...<br /><br />ICLW #26RELHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11527280213368948100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-40340834600487708532010-10-18T13:36:33.096-07:002010-10-18T13:36:33.096-07:00WOW - my mouth hit the floor. I don't know wha...WOW - my mouth hit the floor. I don't know what I would say if a cashier said that to me. Wow...I'm speechless. I guess I need to better prepare.Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18039460517337016255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-91379383236516377832010-10-18T13:19:17.899-07:002010-10-18T13:19:17.899-07:00Ick! Sooooo inappropriate! I have a 10 month old t...Ick! Sooooo inappropriate! I have a 10 month old through embryo donation who doesn't look like me. I recently posted about some inappropriate comments. Of course, now she doesn't understand, but I just hate the thought of her being hurt by someone's stupidity. <br /><br />A friend of mine who is the adoptive mom of a 5 month old told me about the worst comment I've heard yet. Someone got in her infant's face and said, "You are so precious. How could someone give you up?" Unfuckingbelievable! My friend told me she heard of a great comeback for certain comments/questions: "Wow! Did you mean to say that out loud?" Putting that in my back pocket.Dorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17040448531379657293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-66996186643629265812010-10-17T16:24:07.972-07:002010-10-17T16:24:07.972-07:00Oh good lord! I am dying to know how you handled ...Oh good lord! I am dying to know how you handled it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-25037760971472468522010-10-17T10:59:22.979-07:002010-10-17T10:59:22.979-07:00I can remember being in a grocery store with my mo...I can remember being in a grocery store with my mom. I must have been six or seven. My two younger sisters were in the cart. An older woman approached us to ohh and ahh over my littlest sister who was still quite young. I can so clearly remember the woman commenting on how different the three of us looked and asking my mother if we had the same father. The question confused me, but my mom explained to the lady that we all shared the same daddy. I remember so clearly that the lady was so nice and even now I don't think that she intended any harm by her question.<br /><br />My mom was so matter of fact in her response, and so confident in her and my dads love for each of us, so proud of our differences. That was the first time I remember that question being asked, but most certainly not the last.<br /><br />It is a totally inappropriate comment to make, regardless of the family circumstances. (In our case my sisters and I do share genetics from both our mother and father, but are very different from each other.) But people are curious and will ask questions, inappropriate or not. It is how we respond to and educate people about situations that they don't understand that really matters. It may not be a duty we signed up for, but it is necessary. I can only hope that others will offer me the same education when I say or do things that might be hurtful or inappropriate. <br /><br />As my husband and I embark on building our family with the assistance of DS, I am thinking alot about how we will deal with the future questions and situations that are waiting for us. <br /><br />Great post - i'm glad that Mel sent me over.<br />xoxo - Foxyfoxyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05482866425915180237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-69182184921310868942010-10-16T23:42:24.030-07:002010-10-16T23:42:24.030-07:00Good grief. I'm pretty darn sure I would have...Good grief. I'm pretty darn sure I would have written a letter or something. I know it's hard, when you know people don't mean harm, but honestly! I know one day we'll have to deal with that, right now, our little boy is too young to understand.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-65658904132177385872010-10-16T12:58:54.623-07:002010-10-16T12:58:54.623-07:00Ewww. That's the kind of comment that sticks ...Ewww. That's the kind of comment that sticks at the front of your mind for days. :( Thank God your boys will grow up to be people that don't think that way. There's hope for the world!Kathy and Pathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01890184295875896790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-14908761622011069972010-10-15T19:44:23.629-07:002010-10-15T19:44:23.629-07:00What a horrible thing for that woman to say!
Ou...What a horrible thing for that woman to say! <br /><br />Our son is adopted and is African-American/Filipino, while I am white and my husband is Middle Eastern/Asian, so we definitely don't all match. We honestly haven't gotten as many comments as we thought we would. I do think it's weird though that almost everyone, when they learn he's adopted, asks "Where'd you get him?" I know most people are more familiar with international adoption and that's what they're asking about, but the phrasing is just so annoying! I amuse myself by saying "here," "California," or the name of a suburb 20 minutes from our house. People are always really surprised. They also frequently ask "how old was he when you got him?" They're surprised again when I say "newborn" or "about two minutes old." <br /><br />Like you said, it's just because they aren't familiar with adoption, and I do think this makes it all the more important for us to share our adoption stories and help (gently) educate the people we share them with. But it can be very frustrating, and I do worry about what it will be like for our son as he gets older (he's just 17 months now). I'll be looking for advice from you since your boys are older!Willowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05319707316191000140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-23478160545220578992010-10-15T10:52:21.308-07:002010-10-15T10:52:21.308-07:00Wow. That comment wins a prize, and not a good one...Wow. That comment wins a prize, and not a good one. I've gotten some pretty rude comments and questions myself, but nothing like that. (I have twin boys and a daughter all conceived through IVF). <br /><br />One of my twins is very big w dark hair, the other very small with light hair. My daughter is 2 1/2 years younger. One day out shopping the cashier said "Boy, you sure have been busy. You should learn how to say 'No' honey". I was pretty shocked. I know that it looks like I popped out 3 kids in 3 years with different dads but nothing could be further from the truth. Sometimes all you can do is shake your head and move on :)Chickenpighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09442755180328605920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-85327663047853221202010-10-15T07:42:30.680-07:002010-10-15T07:42:30.680-07:00I guess we can only draw on our own experiences, s...I guess we can only draw on our own experiences, so I feel a bit sorry for that cashier if that's the well she's drawing from. Completely inappropriate, though, regardless.<br /><br />So, I wonder, though, because I am mostly tactless (and thus burn with curiosity because I have to keep my mouth shut or risk offending people)...what is the best question to ask? Or do you even want to be asked any questions? Would you prefer that people just make assumptions? What is the proper response?<br /><br />(Here from the Roundup)areyoukiddingmehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16107214079237461141noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-4042807659729033762010-10-13T08:46:19.680-07:002010-10-13T08:46:19.680-07:00What a terrible comment! You sure have faced some...What a terrible comment! You sure have faced some rough ones...It's a good thing you are such a great mother, because I'm sure you handled it with grace and dignity. But I'm so sorry you, and Buddy and Buster had to hear that!Karahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14440000791783990429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-38818474361129060092010-10-12T11:25:06.280-07:002010-10-12T11:25:06.280-07:00Oh my goodness! That is so awful! Some people have...Oh my goodness! That is so awful! Some people have no filter.Alexishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10526997768171577201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-83582723064440030032010-10-12T08:05:36.946-07:002010-10-12T08:05:36.946-07:00I'm glad that 99% of the remarks have been ok ...I'm glad that 99% of the remarks have been ok because that one was downright awful. It's totally inappropriate for her to say things like that and to do so in front of your children makes me cringe.<br /><br />I'm sorry you had that experience.Minhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18312819158046176617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-88207455880795829252010-10-12T07:21:09.519-07:002010-10-12T07:21:09.519-07:00The comments that get my blood boiling are the &qu...The comments that get my blood boiling are the "oh, I want one of those too" comments. I think I may come unglued after the next time I hear it!Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15063602379207128629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-62338979052580591272010-10-11T17:27:34.217-07:002010-10-11T17:27:34.217-07:00are you serious?! OH my gosh! unbelieveable! i thi...are you serious?! OH my gosh! unbelieveable! i think this might be THE most inappropriate comment i've ever heard...WOW. i'm pretty sure i would have lost it, so kudos on holding yourself together...Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13287678098879352533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-61446504026148125282010-10-11T13:57:36.816-07:002010-10-11T13:57:36.816-07:00Wow! That is so inappropriate, especially in fron...Wow! That is so inappropriate, especially in front of your children!!! Wow! <br /><br />I haven't yet experienced this from your end. I'm on the end of wanting to ask if a child is adopted because I want to connected with another adoptive parent, but knowing that often people are offended or sick of being asked. Usually if the info isn't offered I don't bring it up. But if their child is older, I don't bring it up because I don't know how their children are dealing with it and whether it's a hot topic in their family or a safe one. Sorry you had to deal with this.Christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03228094717864369438noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-42376254102400016982010-10-11T11:13:00.615-07:002010-10-11T11:13:00.615-07:00Yikes. That comment was so inappropriate on so man...Yikes. That comment was so inappropriate on so many levels. I'm sure she thought she was being funny, but come on! In front of the kids? Uck.<br />I'm with you - I wish that sometimes we could just be the family we are without having to be ambassadors of international adoption. And there are times we are just that... a family. But MOST of the time in public, if we don't get comments or questions, we get stares. Or the occasional just-barely-can-hear-it "oh they're so cute!" I guess it's the price we pay for such stinkin' adorable kids! :)Elizabeth Frickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04369568911391997731noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-56236764342448501052010-10-11T11:12:49.142-07:002010-10-11T11:12:49.142-07:00Wow--that one actually crosses the line from inapp...Wow--that one actually crosses the line from inappropriate adoption comment to downright FOUL comment. I am offended and grossed out on your behalf!everythingismeowsomehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06671155513531459483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037757276730641216.post-39671877298892101112010-10-11T09:43:04.190-07:002010-10-11T09:43:04.190-07:00I had a friend over a few days ago, and when she s...I had a friend over a few days ago, and when she saw my neighbor across the street with her two boys (one is adopted and is African American) she said loudly "Are those both hers?" The way she said it made me feel like she was referring to...I don't know, a pet or something. I know she didn't mean to be offensive, but yes those boys are BOTH my neighbors CHILDREN, and they may be different from each other but they are the truest brothers any two brothers could be.<br /><br />I'm sorry the cashier was insensitive. I wish people would think before they speak, and realize that yes, the kids are in fact listening.Lorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12514992909586849215noreply@blogger.com